I was at an event last week and met a very grounded, soulful individual who I really enjoyed talking with. She has recently moved to North County from downtown San Diego because of the types of people that are living in this area. She felt drawn to the creativity and socially responsible community that lives around here. She was an excellent listener and we were sharing a very heart felt conversation. In the conversation I talked about my past few years and what I had gone through, what has happened in my career and the new direction I am taking.
Throughout the conversation I must have mentioned money numerous times, because about 20 minutes into our conversation she asked if she could make an observation. Being totally open to any and all feedback, I said sure. She told me that I had mentioned money often and that I probably have some issues around that topic. Well, she is spot on. One of the main causes of my dark night of the soul was my immense fear of going broke. When I was 11 or 12 years old my father went broke. When I say broke, I mean no money, nothing that would allow him to pay the bills and he was trying to take care of 3 children, of which I was the youngest.
That feeling as a young person has haunted me my whole adult life, as I believe it has done the same for my brother. As a male in the Kesslin family the need to provide for one’s family is so present in our daily thoughts that it can take over at any time. During my challenge and time in the cocoon, I believe this was a driving force. On our global travels I knew that money was a life issue that I need to face and read The Soul of Money by Lynn Twist. I found the book fascinating and would highly recommend it to anyone who is dealing with money issues. After reading the book I thought I was good, but that’s not the case. I don’t believe reading a book is going to solve any deep seated emotional pain.
So, when I realized that the business I was trying to create for close to a year was not going to produce the results I was looking for, I panicked. The business construct I created was limiting in it’s target market and challenging to explain. When I came to that realization I also realized that I didn’t have a backup plan. This caused me to get extremely concerned about that word, money. How was I going to provide for my family, to pay the bills and eventually put our two kids through college? The stress was overwhelming because I knew the business wasn’t going to provide me with what I needed personally, both emotionally and financially. I was looking for needles in a haystack, I was spending too much time by myself, why was I making it so hard?
All I can tell you is that I’m an entrepreneur, and as one something will always come, even if it takes some time. I cycled through all the things I had considered before launching Success Redefined, including paid speaking (which would take at least a year to create real cash flow) and at least a half a dozen other options, all of which had no short term solution to my financial needs. So, I became extremely depressed, uncontrollably depressed and didn’t know how to get out, until I made a decision, a decision to take action and get through it. It started by hiring a coach and having someone to be accountable to. As I tell the kids all the time, the only way to get through something is to go through it. I don’t believe I will ever get over my fear of being broke in this life-time, and hopefully my business skills will keep that from ever happening. I just need to trust in myself and know that the world will provide for me if I do my work.
In the coming weeks I will begin to share my newest venture, where it came from and what I’m moving towards. Success Redefined has produced some amazing relationships and will not go away. It has provided some cash flow and has also let the world know that I’m a purposeful business leader. I’ve learned an immensely powerful lesson through this experience, which is that I don’t need to tell others that they need to be purposeful, I just need to run a purposeful business and be an example. I love business, I love helping companies grow and I will focus the rest of my career on those skills rather than my need to tell others how to live their lives.
Connecting the dots ….. one dot at a time.